Glossed Over

Shop's "Sucky" Swan Song

The editor’s letter in the October issue of Shop Etc.— which was its last—left us scratching our head in amazement at Mandi Norwood’s assessment of what constitutes lousy advice. 

I’ll take any advice I can get...  But sucky, holier-than-thou advice, such as “Drink eight bottles of water a day,” “Drive slower to conserve gas” and “Make a pre-shopping closet inventory” is just downright impractical and annoying.

Unfortunately for her, no one bothered to proffer “sucky, holier-than-thou” advice on how to keep a magazine afloat. 

Goodbye and Good Riddance to Shop

We’re a little late on this, but we couldn’t not acknowledge that Hearst has decided to cease publication of Shop Etc. after the forthcoming October issue.

Of course, we can’t say we’re surprised. Why pay $3.49 an issue for a magazine whose design and photography pale in comparison to the free J. Crew catalog?

Still, we’re holding on to a tiny shred of hope that editor-in-chief Mandi Norwood will explain the meaning of “Etc.” in the last issue.  Please, Mandi, don’t leave us hanging.

Shop Offers Decorating Tips, Psychic Trauma

From Shop Etc.’s “Contain Yourself!,” August:

“Thinking about your bedroom as a boutique helps give it that added touch of beauty…”

And never mind the borderline unhealthy implications of putting things up for sale in your bedroom.  Next month, Shop will reveal how to find your perfect therapist.

Shop Pushes Leggings, Insults Our Intelligence

From Shop Etc.’s “Hot Shopping,” August, comes this little reminder:

Finish off that Flashdance-style sweater and leggings (yes, they’re back)…

Wait, leggings are back? We never would have known, except that they’re mentioned on at least eight other pages in this issue, including on the masthead (Charla Krupp needs “a wardrobe of them”) and in the editor’s letter (Mandi Norwood tells an excessively personal story about wearing an expensive pair to the hospital to give birth), and there’s also an entire feature about the stretchy things (that would be “Show Some Leggings” on page 33).

But we’re glad they threw in that extra assurance that, indeed, leggings are once again the height of fashion. If we ever develop short-term memory problems, Shop is sure to become our favorite magazine.

Confidential to Shop: Baggage Handlers, Chanel Don't Mix

Shop Etc.’s “Hot Shopping,” June/July, gushes about a particular aspect of Chanel’s très cher luggage collection:

This June you can get your hands on these luxurious Chanel cases, inspired by a vision of a hassle-free traveler…All 11 of the collection’s pieces glide easily into overhead bins, as if they just knew you’d never want to check them!

Or, more likely, as if they just knew you’d never want to entrust a series of underpaid and contentious airline employees with a quilted calfskin suitcase that, at $4,000, cost as much as your entire vacation.

A Knockout Father's Day Gift from Shop

In Shop Etc.’s “What He Wants,” June/July, “real dads” (read: fathers and husbands of Shop Etc. staffers—why bother with actual journalism when you can just call Daddy?) reveal the beauty products they’d most like to receive for Father’s Day. Here’s what Martin Kelly, who’s married to Shop editor-in-chief Mandi Norwood, wants on June 18:

Mandi bought this for me and that was the end of all other colognes as far as I was concerned. I love its smoky-sweet smell, and my daughters love climbing into my lap, inhaling and getting sleepy.

His daughters are drifting off to sleep after a mere whiff of his Creed cologne? Oh, dear.  Martin makes it sound like the cologne’s main ingredient is chloroform.

Perhaps being married to the magazine’s top staffer means he can say whatever he wishes in Shop’s pages. Sadly, no one had the gall to warn Martin that describing how his kids climb into his lap and subsequently pass out sounds seriously creepy.

Shop: Promising Miracles, Delivering Nothing

From the cover of Shop Etc.’s May issue: 

Miracle swimsuits: Skip the gym!

We’ve never seen this particular bit of logic—or, more accurately, illogic—applied to other forms of clothing, but we’re eagerly awaiting next month’s issue, wherein Shop will surely explore topics like “Miracle pin-striped suits: Skip the Harvard M.B.A.!” and “Miracle stilettos: Skip the second date!”

Of course, those who’d rather not take the shortcut of “miraculous” clothing can instead skip Shop Etc.

News: A Whole Lot of Schadenfreude

■ Sheryl Crow, fresh off the Allure cover commemorating her breakup with Lance Armstrong, will pose for the September edition of Glamour.  Hopefully, the trend of putting recently single women on magazine covers will stop here.  We’ve already heard more than enough about Jennifer Aniston’s glamourous “new life”; we aren’t exactly on the edge of our seats waiting to hear all about another jilted woman’s newfound inner strength.

■ Later this spring, Cosmopolitan (along with a number of other publications) will run an ad from the Magazine Publishers of America encouraging companies to buy advertising space in the print media.  We aren’t marketing geniuses, so we’re not sure how buying ad space in order to promote the concept of buying ad space works, exactly.   But we’re sure the MPA ad will stand out—it’s bound to be the only page in that magazine without a shirtless guy or some mention of sex. Or both.

■ Kim France feels so threatened by the success of Shop Etc. that she spread a rumor about the rival shopping title.  Apparently, at Lucky magazine, it’s perfectly acceptable to act like you’re in seventh grade.

Shop Hates Stereotypes, Promotes Them Anyway

From “Hot Shopping: Retail Trend We (Mostly) Love” in March’s Shop Etc.:

Some touches may have taken sexual stereotypes too far (stores decorated with stuffed animals, for instance).  And don’t let Best Buy staff call you “Jill”—that’s their code name for female customers.

How odd Shop would object to these kinds of stereotypes, considering that, just a few pages prior, the magazine asked “Which Vacuum Will Get Your Floors Cleaner?” and then accompanied that burning question with two separate photos of women vacuuming in skirts and high heels, Donna Reed-style.

This is clearly choosing the lesser of two evils, but we’d rather deal with teddy bears when we’re shopping for a vacuum than be expected to use the thing while wearing pumps and pearls.

Next Month: How to Buy an Atlas

From Shop Etc.’s “The List,” February:

Greek Key: The revival of this classic pattern unlocks the door to decor...Bring a little bit of ancient Rome into your bathroom or kitchen.

Just like Turkish rugs bring the spirit of Athens to your home, and Egyptian cotton towels are exactly like the ones used in Marrakesh.  Right?