Ever modest, Lucky suggests we organize our accessories just like they do at the magazine’s HQ. From “Lucky How-To,” September:
Because, you know, the Lucky way is the best way! Their tip about jewelry trays is valid…so in what other ways would we want to emulate Lucky? If we ever wanted to make up words, amass a collection of expensive rubber pants, and sport the occasional heinous outfit (hello, Vanessa Minillo on the July cover), we’d definitely turn to Lucky for advice.
Plus, Lucky beauty editor Jean Godfrey-June is extremely skilled at using the most inconsequential of personal anecdotes and stretching them into impassioned endorsements for overpriced beauty products, like the $48 hand cream she touts in September’s “The Beauty Closet.” Hand cream! $48! The only thing more unbelievable than the price of the Peter Thomas Roth lotion is the story she tells to promote it.
My small town teems with Hollywood “types,” some legitimate, many wannabe or has-been. They’re easy to identify:
Do tell us about “types”! Is a “type” a man in sandals? A woman who wears her sunglasses in a restaurant?
When they get ready to do something rude—say, shushing fellow adults as if they were toddlers, or elbowing past the crowd to grab the last tomato at the farmers’ markets—they press their hands together, as if in prayer. Whether or not the “prayer” is accompanied by a bowing of the head, the gesture is the single most obnoxious of our time.
Well, yeah, that does sound annoying. But those Hollywood “types” doing this sort of thing? We live in L.A. and we’ve never once seen such a gesture. Also, her description doesn’t make sense. How do you press your palms together while plowing through a throng of people? That isn’t to say this behavior doesn’t exist in Jean’s town—but maybe it has nothing to do with being a Hollywood “type” and everything to do with being an inconsiderate ass.
The practitioner may well be thinking, “I come in peace,” or more Hollywood, “I bow to what is holy in you.” But the true message is unequivocal: “I am holier than thou!”
Also holier than thou? People on the East Coast making broad generalizations about the way people on the other side of the country think and behave. Yeesh.
Anyway, she goes on for a few more sentences about this alleged behavior and how returning the gesture is the sole defense against it. (Don’t ask us to explain. We read the whole thing three times and we’re still confused.) Somewhere in the course of this fruitless exercise, we began to wonder what any of this had to do with the potion she’s tasked with hawking. And what would Jean consider a “Hollywood type” beauty product, anyway? A face lift? Botox injections? The blood of pious virgins?
Nope, it’s a $48 hand cream that magically trumps the lousy behavior of showbiz scoundrels. We’ll let her describe it, since we found her segue to be a bit of a stretch:
A smooth and youthful hand—naturally featured in this exchange—further irritates most Hollywood types, as age grates upon them more than most…
Good to know—having more youthful-looking hands is a surefire defense against annoying people! Sounds like that cream would come in handy in places other than Hollywood…like, say, Jean Godfrey-June’s office.