2: Number of pages devoted to Kate Hudson (“Her 10 best, ever!”)
4: Additional photos of Kate Hudson throughout the issue (pages 78, 112, 115, 149)
7, not counting writer Johanna Schneller: People who gush over Katie Holmes in “What Katie Wants” (The illustrious Kate Cruise Fan Club counts the following luminaries as members: Sherry Lansing, Giambattista Valli, Diane Keaton, Giorgio Armani, Victoria Beckham, Callie Khouri, and Christopher Bailey of Burberry.)
29: Percentage of paragraphs in “What Katie Wants” in which Katie gushes about Tom Cruise or “being a
Way, way too much: Amount Katie is trying to make her marriage appear sound
1: Ludicrous statement about femininity in “Figure Flattery.” The collarbone is, according to InStyle, “arguably one of the most feminine parts of a woman’s body.” Wait, are they really claiming certain parts of a woman’s body are more feminine than others? No word on which parts are, like, unacceptably gender-neutral.
1: Animal whose fur is suggested as a “problem solver” for upper arms in the same article (That’d be the rabbit, and there’s a shrug and a capelet crafted of its pelt.)
$54.80: Average price of the “positively affordable” items in “Deals & Steals,” which is—surprise!—actually affordable
3: Photos of Jennifer Garner in the same magenta Zac Posen dress (pages 75, 76, and 110). We love us some Sydney Bristow, and it’s a gorgeous dress, but three times?
1: Number of animate objects listed in “Designer Lust List” (Jenni Kayne says a French bulldog is a must-have. Dogs, yes! But pups as fashion accessories? God, no.)
10: Steps involved in a “simple…approach to getting it right in the new year and beyond,” per “Beauty 2008: Your Master Plan”
Absolutely none: Amount of interest we have in developing a “master plan” involving a “signature scent” and hair accessories. Like we have nothing better to do?
42: Percent of ad pages in this issue which tout cosmetics, skincare, and haircare products
26: Words we read in the Vanessa Williams story. They were: “Can a native New Yorker like Vanessa Williams find true bliss—and a really good soy chai latte—way out West? You bet your sweet Buddha.”
Approximately a billion: Number of times we’ve seen the story about a New Yorker moving to L.A. Doesn’t anyone east of the Mississippi realize that we do, in fact, have bagels on the West Coast?
Infinitely: Degree to which we were bored with this issue