Lowest Common Denominator: Lucky, September

981: According to the cover, the number of “ways to look amazing this season”

Gazillions: Approximate number of words in this issue. For better or worse (and, in the case of the never-ending article about drunk shopping, it’s definitely worse), there is now actual text in this magazine.

24: Items retailing for less than $50 featured in “Classic Pieces for Every Day”

116: Page on which Jessica Alba’s “Post-Baby Shape-Up Plan” appears, almost entirely devoid of context. I know Lucky is new to this whole writing-complete-sentences-and-forming-paragraphs thing, but they couldn’t follow up on Alba’s statement that she drinks a lot of water because she’s “starving”?

$60: As listed in “City Guide,” the price of a “Carrie Bradshaw-style pink tutu” sold by a store in Los Angeles, like a “Carrie Bradshaw-style” anything is a good thing.

$375: Price of a satchel that is, according to “How To: Wear Color,” the “easiest way to add a shot of color.” 

Zero: Explanation of how “easy” it is to spend $375 on a neon bag.

1, apparently: Words left out of the headline “Dress Like a French Girl. No, Really, a Real French Girl.” That word? “Wealthy,” unless it’s being French that somehow enables one to purchase a $550 dress and an $860 jacket. In which case, vive la France!

$250: Price of a cat-ear hood that Lucky suggests wearing “with a dose of irony, for the downtown hipster.” Behold the amazingly awkward exchange that ensued when I tweeted @LuckyMagazine about this ridiculous headgear! Veronica, aka @duncandesign, joined in to keep the conversation on track.

3: “Stylish New Yorkers” plucked from “the sidewalks of Soho” to model fall fashions in “Style on the Street.”

100: Percent of those random New Yorkers who are conventionally slim and pretty! Surprise!

Not 2: According to Jean Godfrey-June, the number of people permitted in the dressing rooms at Gilly & Hicks, Abercrombie & Fitch’s lingerie store. She says:

(You can’t both go in [the dressing room]; the surroundings are so...provocative...that liaisons are rumored to have occurred in the dressing rooms, hence, a ban.)

Infinitely: How weird it is that Godfrey-June would mention this, considering that in the story she’s shopping with her daughter.

2: Cover lines on the issue of Lucky Kids stuck inside the back cover that are uncomfortably reminiscent of the controversy over 10-year-old model Thylane Blondeau: “Dresses So Pretty You’ll Wish They Came in Your Size” and “I Want My Kid’s Hair Color!” (Related reading: this article about fashion brands using child models to normalize eating disorders.)

0: Interest I had in pulling Lucky Kids out of the magazine--until I needed something to shield my laptop with during a sudden downpour. 

Comments

[Krazy Kitty]

Real French girl here. I want in on the pricey-clothes-purchasing-ability deal. Especially if I can spend the money on something else than clothes.

(Oh, and also, sorry to disappoint, but I'm a size 12.)

[Veronica]

I was part of that amazingly awkward exchange! I have your back, sister.

[Glossed Over]

Thanks, Veronica! You kept that exchange on track. (I'm updating the post now to reflect that, too.) Now if only I could find an excuse to bust out #DuchessofHats.

[Sarah]

Thanks again, I'm so glad to see you back at it more frequently.

[Adam]

Hipsters would scoff at the $250 hat anyway. Lucky doesn't get it. :p

[TaraCuda]

I have to give Alba credit for revealing that she pays someone else to bring 1200 calories meals and works out almost an hour a day- 3 if she can swing it. Anyone starts looking hollywood hot with the right resources.

[Belinda Gomez]

Lucky is so fabulously stupid--it's like a parody of a fashion magazine. I guess we can't blame it all on Kim France. (What's she doing these days, anyway?)

[Sensa]

post-baby shape-up plan? sounds interesting! is Jessica going to tell smth new to us? it's September, though, but still need to get this issue..

[Amanda]

I can't bring myself to read Lucky anymore. It used to be my favorite and now it's BS. Not only can I not afford anything published in it, I wouldn't want to even if I could. It's become a real snooze.

[voyance en directe]

Très bon blog! Je le trouve très vivant, bien pensé ,merci pour les partages.

[Horoscope 2012]

Je suis vraiment fier de vous découvrir, votre blog est vraiment super

[aprender inglés]

Its really amazing that the price of a “Carrie Bradshaw-style pink tutu” sold by a store in Los Angeles, like a “Carrie Bradshaw-style” anything is a good thing.