Is Marie Claire Just Messing with Us?

Marie Claire’s cover proclaims it’s “More Than a Pretty Face,” so you’d expect the content would reflect that slogan. Sure, the format has its limitations. No fashion magazine is ever going to be The Economist.

But some of the content in the August issue is brutally, unbelievably dumb—or, at least, seems to think we readers are. Is any of this for real? Was this issue ghostwritten by the staff of The Onion? And if it were, would any of us even be able to tell the difference? Below, my picks for three articles in the August issue that read like parodies of themselves.

1. In “Marie Claire Bulletin,” there’s a Supreme Court primer entitled “How to Talk About Issues You Don’t Understand.” The “shamelessly oversimplified” page even suggests smart-ass comments for use in conversations about abortion, gun control, and gay marriage. Because not only do you not understand, you have no opinions of your own! This is the magazine’s quip in support of gay marriage:

“At the last gay wedding I attended, the grooms’ tuxes were brushed satin, the centerpieces were Cattleya orchids, the palate cleanser was yuzu sorbet, and the DJ was Samantha Ronson. How could something so right be wrong?”

I don’t know. How could so many stereotypes fit into one sentence?

2. The cavalcade of stupidity continues with “Where the Guys Are,” for which the magazine “mined the latest census data” to find the cities with the highest ratio of available men to women. Did Marie Claire lift this article straight out of Cosmopolitan? Maybe! Is there an explanation why Columbus has so many single men? Nope! But the article does tell you how to dress to attract them. Also, I don’t grasp the premise—are we supposed to, like, drop everything and move to Seattle? Excuse me while I pack a suitcase so I can find validation in the arms of a man!

3. And let’s just start with the title of this one: “Hair to Get You Hired.” What helpful advice for those of us with absolutely zero qualifications or experience!

…a stiff job market means the slightest detail—even the wrong updo—can make or break your chances…

Translation: you can be hired (or not) because of your looks! I’ve heard that’s rampant in some industries—like, say, fashion magazines.

Never look like you spent hours getting primped—it suggests you’re not serious.

And never mind reconciling the preponderance of fashion and beauty content throughout the magazine with the advice to avoid looking overly groomed. Is Marie Claire serious? (Quick! Check the editors' hair.) Sadly, these features seem to be entirely straightforward. If they were satire, at least they would have been funny.

Comments

[RMJ]

WOW. Everything on that cover is aggressively shallow.

GLAM!
BEAUTY!
ACCESSORIES!
LOVE!
SNAG A GUY!

Even the two articles advertised of any kind of substance are coded as shallow/idiotic: the work story is a 101, suggesting simplicity and elementary level ideas; the story about female drug lords hinges on their beauty. Duh.

Always so happy to see a new entry of this in my Google Reader.

[SLV]

It makes me so happy to see an entry from you :) I actually bought this magazine because I figured, I might as well be seen reading something with a little more substance in the train than Cosmo and Glamour... WRONG! I was very disappointed. It also bugs me that this magazine is basically copy-pasted on the web. There's really no point in spending money to get the paper version when you can read it for free online!

[Krazy Kitty]

Wow, the thing about gay marriage is downright offensive. Well, the whole issue seems downright offensive, the idea of an article about "how to talk about deep issues you obviously know fuck all about because you spend your time staring at your despicable self in the mirror" makes me wonder if the 20th century happened at all, but this particular excerpt certainly steals the prize. If someone was making this kind of comment at my place I would kick them right out of the door. No explanations, no apologies, just "piss off, lady. Now. And don't you ever dare coming back." Hell, I'd do it at someone else's place, too.

[Bee]

Yay, update!

I gave up on Marie Claire about two years ago. I love your comparison to the Onion. They think they are doing a service to women, but I think they are only helping stereotypes stick around when they should go far, far away.

[Becca]

Wow, Seattle supposedly has a lot of single guys? I live there and I never seem to meet any but maybe I'm not dressing right. I think Marie Claire is one of the more boring fashion magazines there is. At least Cosmo is ridiculous enough to be sort of funny.

[milito]

Yessssss! You're back. Marie Claire bugs me because it pretends to be smart, but it's dippy and insulting. Everything you said is spot-on, especially the commentary on "how to talk about rilly rilly tough issues." Way to insult women in general.

Also, their fact checkers are falling asleep. The regional-dudes thing was not only stupid, it also namechecked Marshall Field's in Chicago. Marshall Field's hasn't been in Chicago since 2006.

[kim]

haha! bravo! i found the supreme court feature painfully stupid as well.

[anon]

How timely--I bought this issue on a trip this weekend after I finished Allure. I like Nina on Project Runway, so Marie Claire must be a good choice right? Ugh.

I couldn't agree more on your points--especially the "political issues" section.

One other thing I noticed is that MC tried to provide a little bit of everything (fashion! makeup! women in poverty in other countries! true crime!) but didn't go in-depth on any of them. Boring.

[Luey]

Columbus probably has so many single men because it's home to Ohio State, which is the largest university in the United States. Just, y'know, for the record.

So go get that M.R.S. degree, ladies!

[samantha]

I wanna like go to college so I can like find a husband!! Maybe I'll try to study computers and stuff so I'll meet the maximum possible number of guys. Computer geeks are, like, so hot. WOOT WOOT!

This was such an insult to my intelligence... Marie Claire is so ridiculous. I have to agree with above comments: even though Cosmo is completely dumb, at least it doesn't try to pretend it's serious.

[jennifer]

you are so right :)