Lowest Comon Denominator: Elle, April
3: Number of exclamation points on the cover (Reese!, Exclusive!, and Career Survival!)
Approximately 5: Number of pages before David Beckham appears in his underwear in an Emporio Armani ad. You know, just in case you’re into that sort of thing
1: Paragraphs of Joe Zee’s “Style A to Zee” that I actually read. This is why: “[A friend’s legal office] was full of smart, accomplished women, but they just couldn’t get their clothes right…Why have working women put style on a backburner?” I don’t know, Joe, maybe they’re busy working?
155: Page on which “Yes we can!” is appropriated to explain that, yes, we can wear python prints to the office
At least three months ago: The day I’d had my fill of that phrase being shoehorned into every objective, no matter how insignificant
167: Page on which a profile of Amy Poehler appears with the words, “Watch your back, Tina.” Why, yes, Elle, there can only be one funny woman with her own NBC sitcom at any given time!
Never: When I’d like to see another swooning profile of 21-year-old Zac Efron in Elle. Who are these readers who can afford $730 shorts (page 156) and are actually interested in anything Efron has to say?
$39.95: Price of a bottle of the Fill Pill, a fiber supplement that expands to 50 times its size when mixed with water, as explained in “Full Service”
6: Age of restaurateur Julie Daniels Janklow’s son, whose mother is quoted on page 224 saying to him, “I love you, you’re perfect, I want you to be gay and live with me forever and ever.”
12: Women featured in “The Mentalists” who “should—and do—rule the world”
Microscopic: Size of the photos of non-celebs in “The Mentalists” compared to the pictures of stars (There’s a random picture of Seth Rogen—not a woman!—that’s like four times as large as the photo of Washington D.C. school chancellor Michelle Rhee, who’s number 2 on the list.)
4,583: Estimated number of pages devoted to the profile of Eat, Love, Pray author Elizabeth Gilbert
0: Number of times I’d pondered the endowment of Muppets…until Andrew Goldman asked Jason Segel about it in “Naked Amibtion”
“[A friend’s legal office] was full of smart, accomplished women, but they just couldn’t get their clothes right…Why have working women put style on a backburner?”
Because they have more important things to think about, skid mark. And because they live to annoy you.
"Page on which “Yes we can!” is appropriated to explain that, yes, we can wear python prints to the office"
Geez, talk about cynical. And who wears python prints, ever?
“I love you, you’re perfect, I want you to be gay and live with me forever and ever.”
That sounds like a quote from a Twilight parody.
Posted by: Rio | April 06, 2009 at 07:47 AM
Two words: right on.
Posted by: lauriebot | April 07, 2009 at 02:04 PM
A brilliant LCD, thanks. Outrage and laughs in equal measures.
Posted by: Margo | April 12, 2009 at 09:30 AM
Great article! Thanks a lot. Also gives me an insight to what's appearing in US Elle version. Oh and Reese looks fab!
Posted by: Fashionlover | April 16, 2009 at 01:01 PM
"Who are these readers who can afford $730 shorts (page 156) and are actually interested in anything Efron has to say?"
lol exactly. More evidence that its escapist bullshit for lofty eyed dreamers who really think they'll be One Of Them someday.
Posted by: GamerGrrlz | June 09, 2009 at 01:05 PM