Cosmpolitan's Confounding Ideas About Kink and Consent

I don’t often bother with Cosmopolitan’s “Red Hot Read,” an ostensibly sexy excerpt from a recently published novel, for two reasons: generally, more stimulating content can be found within an episode of Degrassi from 2004, and because Cosmo's reality is trying enough. I'm not really pining to know what Cosmo's editors fantasize about.

But because the January issue was atypically lacking in gag-inducing content (or perhaps I just wasn’t reading very closely), I waded through this month’s two-page excerpt from the forthcoming book Satisfaction by Marianne Stillings.

The result? I’m a little unsettled at what’s being passed off as the epitome of swept-away passion.

The novel's main character, Georgie, is a TV host who, for reasons left unexplicated in the text here, has the need for a full-time bodyguard. I’m guessing she’s incredibly beautiful and she’s being stalked by some kind of blandly dressed, asocial psycho who lives with his mother and believes he’s in love with her, because isn’t that usually the case?

Georgie and her guardian Ethan—who’s totally gorgeous, natch—are in a hotel bar for reasons beyond the scope of the excerpt (and perhaps beyond the scope of my comprehension). Our plucky heroine decides to return to her room, so jealous of the attention Ethan is attracting from other women that she’s willing to flounce off alone! Without protection! Ethan decides to escort her upstairs because, well, that’s what he’s getting paid for.

Here’s where it gets weird. Er, weirder:

“Thanks for everything,” she said, letting herself in. But as the door was about to shut, Ethan stepped in… He closed the door, locking it behind him. “I’m staying here tonight,” he said.

[Ethan claims the couch. Georgie goes to bed.]

Then the bed sank down. She turned to see Ethan sitting next to her.

“What are you doing?” she asked.

“Don’t you know, Georgie?” he said, putting his hand on her cheek. “I want you. I have for a long time. I want to have sex with you. And I think you want the same thing.”

…Her pulse quickened, and she knew she should push him away. “Are you sure you want this?” she asked.

Wait, what? He’s climbing into her bed uninvited and she’s asking him for consent? Am I the only one who sees a problem here?

Oh, I forgot, his advances are totally justified. She had lustful thoughts about him, so he’s totally within his rights. After all, he’s almost certain that she feels the same way!

And anyway, says Cosmo, it's not like women are supposed to be in charge of any kind of bedroom action. In “Are You Crazy Enough in Bed?” on page 90, an expert opines:

But even guys who are kinkier sometimes don't like it when a woman kick-starts the action. “It seems that men want you to be open to experimentation in the bedroom when they suggest it, but they don't necessarily want you to initiate the wilder moves,” says Amy Levine, certified sexuality educator and founder of sexedsolutions.com. “Proposing anything that may appear choreographed can give them the impression that you've tried doing that with lots of other guys.”

So guys initiating sex (and somehow avoiding criminal charges) by climbing into bed uninvited? Hot! Women doing something that might make a man think she's ever been intimate with someone else? Not okay.

Cosmo, I will never understand you.

Comments

[k]

I think you missed the part of Amanda Bynes's interview where she said she was good friends with Perez Hilton and not other actresses because actresses are "catty" and Perez Hilton is so out and proud. On his website where he posts pictures of pregnant women and writes "even her lips are fat." Etc. I guess it's very Cosmo that they don't note the absolute inanity of her comment.

[Rio]

Is Cosmo at all capable of inventing more than one cover pose? It's always hands on hips, one leg jutting out, cleavage for miles. I'm tempted to find some way to get them to interview me just so I can force them to mix it up once in a while.

[Kirup]

"(and somehow avoiding criminal charges)"

Uhm... I don't think sitting on someone's bed and asking them to have sex with you is illegal.

[Katy]

Just when we thought Cosmo couldn't sink any lower...

And is it just me or does Amanda Bynes look really uncomfortable? It's like not even she wants to be associated with such garbage.

[Bee]

Ugh!!! This magazine has NOTHING of substance. Nothing.

[Courts!]

"(and somehow avoiding criminal charges)"

Uhm... I don't think sitting on someone's bed and asking them to have sex with you is illegal.

It is when it follows you step into their room uninvited, close the door and lock it, and announce your plans to stay the night without their consent.

Gross. What do we have to do to get women to stop buying this tripe?

[Marianne Stillings]

Hi:

I happened across your blog and wanted to respond to your remarks. I have no defense for the "excerpt" of my book in Cosmo, except to say that I did not write the "excerpt" - the entire thing was written by a Cosmo staff writer. Cosmo offered to "excerpt" a scene from SATISFACTION for their Red Hot Reads segment, then wrote a scene having nothing at all to do with the book. The only thing consistent with my book are the characters' names; everything else is complete fabrication. Why does Cosmo buy an "excerpt" from an author and then not use one single word from said "except" I have no idea.

Thank you for your time . . .
Marianne Stillings
Author of SATISFACTION

[Rio]

Marianne:

Your story checks out. I looked for the quotes posted here in the book's Amazon page (using "Search inside this book" here: http://www.amazon.com/gp/reader/0060850663/ref=sib_dp_pop_fc?ie=UTF8&p=S001#reader-link) and only one of them was there. It would be interesting to see what else Cosmo's writers might have concocted; all of their "excerpts" read exactly like a Harlequin Blaze smut scene, and all of those are nearly identical, anyway.

I really hope you're considering a lawsuit.

[Amy Levine]

Hey, it's Amy and I want to clarify the above quote. My comment specifically refers to a Cosmo poll that asked guys how far they like women to "push the passion envelope"--according to the poll, not much. The editor was surprised and so was I, and she asked me to explain why it may be possible that guys get freaked out about certain sex acts. I'm all for female empowerment in and out of bed.

[DrBubbles]

FWIW, I once read an excerpted romance novel years ago in my mom's Good Housekeeping, and liked it well enough to go read the actual book. In this case the mag had de-sexified the excerpt, but there was no acknowledgment that the excerpt had been rewritten rather than merely, you know, excerpted. I think "excerpt" might be one of those words that an industry uses in a manner almost but not completely like everyone else. (Like how the meat-packing industry uses "fresh" to mean "not deep frozen," so things that are actually frozen can still be called "fresh.")

[Andi]

Huh. That's weird about kinky guys not liking their women kick-starting the action. Maybe it's only kinky guys? I openly started touching myself while lying on the sofa a few days ago, and my guy, who can hardly be described as kinky, got really into it. I honestly don't understand Cosmo, not in the least.

Also, Marianne, if that is in fact you, could you please sue Cosmo for everything that they have? Not what they are worth (nada), but what they have? Please?

[cheryl]

Please post more soon. :(

[lobo]

Where arrrrrrreeeeee you?!? We miss you :)

[Tricia]

I just happened to stumble upon this site and it's hilarious. Cosmo is all about the HOH (hands-on-hip) look and it's so boring!

[Luna C]

Come back! Your loyal readers miss you! :-(

[Tricia]

definitely come back please! there's lot of new issues to talk about :)

[Molly]

Wow. I can't believe Cosmo fabricates excerpts from authors. And fabricates them so poorly that I would almost consider it slander!