Lowest Common Denominator: Lucky, November

$2.99: Lucky’s cover price

$30: Suggested retail of Kim France and Andrea Linett’s new book, “The Lucky Guide to Mastering Any Style,” excerpted in the November issue

97%: Oddly enough, the amount of content in those excerpted pages that looks exactly like every single issue of Lucky

1: Number of times each that the alleged word “fashiony” is applied to the Gap and Banana Republic

2: Staffers who publicly admit to “converting” to Jessica Simpson’s new fragrance, Fancy, after Simpson appeared on October’s cover

31.5: Months, at the current rate of 2 employees per month, until the rest of the editorial staff is engulfed in the Great Simpson Perfume Convergence

10: Brands of non-Simpson perfume advertised in this issue, including—so help me—Fairy Dust by Paris Hilton

“Hugely”: Amount powder could potentially change your appearance, according to “Loose Powder: How and Why” in “Beauty Spy”

3: Number of “dramatically different looks” that can be achieved simply by using a different mascara, according to page 144 of “Beauty Spy”

47: Other life issues, approximately, I need to tackle before I’ll have even the slightest motivation to test  on my own face Lucky’s gripping hypotheses about the transformative powers of cosmetics 

“All the time”: Frequency with which beauty editor Jean Godfrey-June buys “things [she] can’t afford,” as divulged in “The Beauty Closet”

$86,483: Total retail value of all jewelry featured in “The Lucky Fall Jewelry Guide”

56: Number of adjectives and adjectival phrases in “The Season’s Best Coats”

26: Number of apparel items described by those 56 terms

30: Even more meaningless descriptors—like “nonchalant crisp” and “cozy meets flirty”—applied to the ensembles in “A Month of Outfits”

Infinite: Desperation emanating from the pop-up that screams “WAIT! SUBSCRIBE TO LUCKY!” when leaving Lucky’s website

Comments

[Nasturtium]

Gosh! I feel terrible "Lucky" that I gave this one a pass. Do they really think our pockets are that deep and that we're gullible airheads?

[Courtney]

I only subscribe to Lucky for the pictures. ;)

[D.W.]

I actually thought the Paris Hilton Fairy Dust ad was a spoof when I first saw it. But no -- it's real, sadly.

[Bee]

Wow, I used to love this magazine. Now I get it, let it sit on my end table for weeks, skim for 10 minutes and toss it. Why did I suscribe for two more years!?! Why?!

[SJ]

Fairy Dust? More like, Ho Dust.

Hmm, Paris Hilton has come out of the other side of me being too burned out on her to make jokes at her expense. Woot?

[Anna]

How about this addition:

Zero: The amount of interest that I have in any magazine (or, any THING actually) which features Vanessa Hudgens

[Inargenny]

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