We Read It So You Don’t Have To: Marie Claire’s Guide to Surviving Unemployment

So! Times are tough! The world is spinning out of control, and even Marie Claire is feeling the pinch—they couldn’t decide which of the four Sex and the City cast members to put on the cover, and thus they attached four covers to the July issue. See? Out of control!

But Marie Claire knows life isn’t all Cosmos and Louis Vuittons. The July article “Surviving a Layoff” purports to provide the inside track on spotting—and getting past—a layoff unscathed. Well, I was laid off in April. When I saw the article teased on the cover, I actually felt a twinge of hope. Marie Claire was feeling my pain! Marie Claire was a trusted friend, ready to guide me through the dark hours of eating cereal in my pajamas at noon!

I was wrong.

The tales of three recently jobless women are included in the story. Since being mostly unemployed means I have tons of free time, and refreshing online job posting sites every ten minutes and waiting for the phone to ring is eating my soul, I read them all!

1. Layoff Victim #1 was an investment banker who brought home a hefty paycheck—a base salary of $85,000, and a bonus that could equal that. But she secretly hated her job! When her company let her go during a cost-cutting binge, she received six months’ pay and benefits. So she did what any recently laid-off woman would do: took a vacation to Florida! Now, apparently still living off her severance package, she’s decided to leave banking and, instead, break into the world of voiceover artistry. “I’ve always wanted to be in a cartoon,” she giggles. [“Giggles”  is their word, not mine, just for the record.]

2. Layoff Victim #2 was a TV news producer in Florida. When she lost her job, she was worried about also losing her $2000/month condo. Solution: take from retirement savings and borrow from Mom and Dad to pay the bills, but don’t give up too much! “You work so hard to get to a certain income level. Then you’re forced to limit yourself. I don’t think I should make myself have to live that way,” she says. LV2 is reconsidering her love of journalism and now spends her days blogging and “beefing up her Myspace page.” Seriously.

3. Layoff Victim #3 was let go a mere 106 days into a stint at Yahoo. Apparently important to her story is the detail that she had her own washer and dryer in her apartment. Poor thing, right? Read on! Within two days of being laid off, there were “several posts on well-read blogs” about her layoff, which lead to two job offers that were “less than perfect.” What our LV gained is confidence—she turned down those offers and has instead written a self-published book called Laid-Off Renegade. No word on whether the book is paying the bills or if she’s been forced to switch to the laundromat—because she lost her job in February 2008, and when you factor in Marie Claire’s lead time, was probably interviewed just days later. So she’s totally knowledgeable about the long-term ramifications of being laid off!

There is a brief sidebar that contains solid information about how to spot whether your job is on the chopping block. However, there are no pointers about financial planning or finding new employ, unless the anecdotes about voiceover classes and borrowing from your parents are what Marie Claire considers to constitute such advice. Or maybe they just figure we unemployed can’t afford the $3.50 cover price and aren’t reading this anyway.

Comments

[SuzieQ]

I thought the layoff article was pretty honest and realistic. Getting laid off sux but it makes you rethink your future in a big way. It's not like you figure it all out overnight. I wouldn't have believed it if all these women had become superstar entrepreneur celebs or something the second they got laid off.

[Rachel]

The worst thing you can do when you lose a job is to act like you're on vacation. And voice artist? Please--what a stupid thing to do. VO actors (like April Winchell) have lost work to brand name actors for years.

But maybe Victim #1 can move in with Victim #2.

[CK]

Eh give the girl a break and let her try her voiceover thing if she wants, life is short.

[Bee]

Yes, people can do what they want, but with the economy the way it is right now, it is REALLY tough to try and find yourself. I could do the voiceovers, but as something on the side for now. If it picks up, I know I could leave my 9-5 and do what I love. : )

[T-Bone]

Hah. Another magazine article where its subjects' lives exist in a parallel universe from mine. When I was laid off from my $30 K a year job as a legal assistant, I was instantly without healthcare (who can afford COBRA?)and signed up for the state-funded and unfortunately-named "indigent care program". Clothing purchases were out of the question, and any money leaving my bank account was strictly on a must-pay basis (food, gasoline, utilities, rent). Going out with friends? Impossible. Cable TV? No more. Haircuts, color? Did it myself. Went to credit counseling to consolidate my bills-participated in that program for eight months until I had to declare bankruptcy. Meanwhile, sent out resumes, went on interviews, worked temp jobs. Never held out for "perfect job" because there's no such thing; but finally got "a job"- have been there a little over a year. Still have side jobs to get back on track financially.

Marie Claire misses its mark again. Their "advice" sucks and offers no solutions. Who are they writing for? Thanks, G.O., for reading this so I don't have to.

[vanessa]

How much can you possibly "beef up" on a myspace page?

[CK]

T-Bone: It's obvious you didn't read the article. I always find it hilarious when people go off on things and have absolutely no idea what they're talking about. No wonder you can't keep a job. You don't do your homework!

[Lisa]

Wow, CK, that was unnecessary. Plenty of people have lost their jobs through no fault of their own, especially with the economy the way it is.

[Megan]

I hate these articles with a passion. It's like those "cheap finds" articles, where nothing costs less than like $100. How incredibly out of touch with reality M/C is.