Looking for Meaning in Lucky's Loopy Descriptions

Confession: I talk to myself when I read Lucky. I don’t plan to; it just happens that a flabbergasted “What?” or “Huh?” escapes my lips every few pages. (Incidentally, this is why I no longer read Lucky on airplanes.)

See, even when the magazine’s product descriptions aren’t rife with “rich” and “fashiony,” there is still a fundamental gap between my brain and the Lucky hivemind. My lack of comprehension usually corresponds to one of these three forms:

1. “Plucked from the wardrobe rack at a Cyndi Lauper video shoot.”

I get what they’re saying. I just don’t grasp the appeal.

2. “A menswearish vest is a bit sexy but kind of office-appropriate.”

I am often baffled by the lack of specificity. Between “-ish,” “sort of,” “kind of,” “a bit,” and “-style,” a paucity of definitive statements exists in this magazine. Pair these qualifiers with Lucky’s frequent contradictory descriptors, and you get aneurysm-inducing vagaries like “laid-back but a bit dressy.” Well, which is it? Make up your minds, already! If it’s “a bit” dressy, then it’s not really dressy, right? Which makes it laid-back. Which renders the whole sentence meaningless!

3. “Recalls the ferocity of a hoop skirt in a black-and-white photo.”

And sometimes, Lucky provides an image so esoteric, bizarre, or just plain unhelpful that I’m forced to rely on sheer conjecture to decipher their intent.

I now present the five most inscrutable product descriptions from the July issue of Lucky!

From “Our Obsessions”:

We love the raffia-esque design on this easy ballet-style flats.

And I almost kind of like how Lucky can maybe only issue the vaguest sort-of-good statement. They should have no trouble committing to a pair of shoes, right?

From “Shoes of the Month: Strappy Platforms”:

Gleamy, finespun straps have a touch of disco-goddess allure.

Pretty sure that no one except maybe ironic-fashion acolytes would actively seek “disco-goddess allure,” whatever that might consist of, and anyway, none of them are reading Lucky.

Just amazing—silver-gold crackly leather telegraphs a decayed luxury.

Because, you know, you want to evoke decay when you spend $790 on a pair of sandals.

From “The Season’s Best Looks Under $100”:

Conjures a hot woman on a Vespa, after-hours.

Read: fisticuffs broke out at Lucky HQ during a discussion about whether these shoes are trashy in a good way or trashy in a bad way, and, OMG, the fashion department interns still aren’t speaking to each other.

So open and drapey in the sexiest way.

I cannot figure out how a $38 purple and black star-motif cardigan that looks like it was filched from Pete Wentz’s closet is “so open and drapey in the sexiest way.” But then, I also haven’t the faintest idea what that phrase is supposed to indicate in the first place, so maybe it actually does make sense. I may never know!

Comments

[Athena]

I have stopped reading Lucky because I couldn't get through the magazine without yelling "What the hell is that supposed to mean?" in complete frustration every time I turned the page. I think they should consider the idea of eliminating any sort of text from the magazine.

[vanessa]

Don't you think these phrases are intended to be at least a little ironic or tongue-in-cheek? I want to believe...

[judith]

i also talk to myself when reading lucky! but i stopped reading it because i just couldn't take the vagueness and weirdisms anymore...

[Jetsetter]

Lucky is just a trashy catalogue with useless stuff described in an equally useless manner.

[laylaness]

I don't know if their made-up adjectives and useless suffixes annoy me more than the "wear it 4 ways" (classic! laid-back! polished! funky!) garbage.

[Kim]

2. “A menswearish vest is a bit sexy but kind of office-appropriate.”

I have to ask why you it's so hard to understand what they're saying in these phrases? And that's mainly because I want to improve my own writing/blogging/copywriting skills because I say things like “laid-back but a bit dressy.” all the time, so in my mind, when I read things like this it makes perfect sense (not to insinuate that I actually READ lucky).

Take something that is comfortable, can be worn to casual events with jeans but dresses up the jeans at the same time. In other words, it's a step above sweats or a basic white t shirt. How else would you describe something like this? I'd love to read your feedback!

[Glossed Over]

Kim, I agree that such a description isn't totally devoid of meaning.

One of the things I like in fashion writing is the author's ability to make fashion accessible or relatable to me. On this level, "laid-back but a bit dressy" succeeds, because I don't want to be over- or under-dressed, so a piece that straddles the line between casual and formal is immediately appealing.

But I'm no fashion expert. When I read about clothes, I want to learn--what makes a piece dressy or laid-back? To that end, something like "a refined shape makes this denim jacket work equally well on Saturday afternoon or at the office" actually explains why a jacket is "laid-back but a bit dressy."

Also, there's a more precise--but equally short--way to describe the same sentiment. It's just semantics, but "laid-back but still crisp" is more evocative to me. "Laid-back" and "dressy" are both such nebulous (and relative) terms to begin with that contrasting them is muddling.

[Bee]

Lucky should put out a dictionary to go with their mag. I don't understand half of what they say!

I am very close to not renewing my subscription. I don't find anything useful anymore.