Lowest Common Denominator: Vogue, January

75: Number of “hot tips for 2008” promised on the cover

13: Number of photos of “plus-size” models appearing on a pull-out calendar inside the issue

Bucketloads: Amount GlaxoSmithKline must have paid for the calendar, which is an advertisement for weight-loss supplement Alli

Infinite: The disappointment that, other than the Shape Issue, this is the only time we’ll ever see models who even approximate average sizes in Vogue (And let’s be honest—it’s not as if the token appearance of two plus-size models in last year’s issue constitutes a valid attempt to portray a more diverse range of body types.)

$200,000: Amount given to the first-place winner for the CFDA/Vogue Fashion Fund, as explained by Anna Wintour

Endless: Measure of our wonder at the workings of  André Leon Talley’s mind, hence our decision to post his quote from the “Contributors” page despite the fact that no actual numbers are involved.  (Except, you know, dollars.)

What is your New Year’s fashion resolution?

“To order custom Charvet pique tennis shorts and silk kneesocks the color of clotted cream and Manolo Blahnik white suede brogues, for spectator sports at the U.S. Open.”

1: First-person essay about abortion, Lori Campbell’s “Private Lives”

1: Irksome photo accompanying the piece.  In it, the author poses with her daughter in the street, while wearing high-end clothes and towering heels.  Predictably, she is thin, white, and attractive.  Would Vogue have published this essay if its author weren’t so camera-ready? (Remind us some time to talk about this more.  The trend of photographing authors and magazine staffers—ahem, Lucky—only lends credence to the idea that you have to be conventionally beautiful to partake of fashion and/or work at a magazine.)

77 and 78: Pages on which this perception is furthered. Matilde Borromeo, the youngest daughter of an aristrocratic Italian family, is described by William Norwich as

...so chicly comported that you just assumed their first baby steps had to have been taken on the deck of some great yacht...Someone asked if she might linger in New York; surely a fashion house or magazine would be happy to employ her.

$250: Price of a pair of Stuart Weitzman heels that Ivanka Trump deems “not wildly expensive”

3: Number of weeks elapsed between model Natalia Vodianova giving birth and appearing in seven runway shows

0: Relevance this fact has to the story in which it appears, “Peerless”

10: Number of women on Vogue’s best-dressed list

5: Number of women on the list who are current or former models (Kathryn Neale, Astrid Munoz, Georgina Chapman, Kelly Wearstler, and Agyness Deyn)

$165: Price of a fedora worn by Kate Hudson’s four-year-old son, Ryder, in “Sunny Side Up!”

Comments

[Helena]

Zero: Number of other websites that publish witty content like "Lowest Common Denominator." Yes, I *have* read Jezebel; why do you ask?

Keep up the great work, Glossed Over!

[heather]

of course you have to be attractive to work for a fashion magazine. or you have to have great style. that is considered acceptable, as well. and no, you really can't be fat. but are fat people dying to work at fashion mags? i don't think so. i really don't see what's wrong with this. furthermore, there are quite a few folks who work in fashion and are only attractive because they know how to work their look. if they didn't have the skin treatments/hair color/whatever, they'd look just average.

[heather]

of course you have to be attractive to work for a fashion magazine. or you have to have great style. that is considered acceptable, as well. and no, you really can't be fat. but are fat people dying to work at fashion mags? i don't think so. i really don't see what's wrong with this. furthermore, there are quite a few folks who work in fashion and are only attractive because they know how to work their look. if they didn't have the skin treatments/hair color/whatever, they'd look just average.

[WendyB]

Re 1. Yes! At least some fashion magazines do ask to see a photo of you before they determine whether you are going to write a freelance essay for them. It's probably safe to say "all fashion magazines" but since my experience is limited to two, that's all I'm willing to swear to under oath. On the bright side, I'm thrilled to know I'm conventionally beautiful. Woot!

[Natalie Melato]

I am surprised no one has any gripes about kate hudson on the cover. I didn't even read if she had a movie coming out and that's their lame reason. Kate Hudson and a cover on what is suppose to be a sophisticated fashion magazine makes no sense to me whatsoever.

Although Andre Leo Talley is losing it when he thinks we may be interested in a story about Ivanka Trump! She advertises her new jewelry store on Madison Ave (boggles my mind) and who knows what he has to say about her - I had to flip the page quickly because Ivanka as a designer is a joke.

This morning I looked at the cover of the magazien and for some reason took a black sharpie and erased Kate's face. I don't get it - at all.

[Becca]

I keep looking at the cover, but that just doesn't look like Kate Hudson to me. She kind of reminds me of Ali Larter.

I don't think it's fair to assume that all fat people wouldn't be interested in working at a fashion magazine. I'm sure there are a lot of heavier women out there who love fashion and are really stylish, but will probably not be considered for a position at a magazine because they might not be able to wear the clothes or they'll be surrounded by skinny people or what have you. They can still look good (maybe by working their look? that goes for all types of people) and contribute to the industry.

[Angela Hartman]

I agree with Heather that alot of what you do requires some kind of niche talent or a sense of style. In looking for my sense out on the dance floor finally after 3 years of down-time, I now waer a butt enhancer pantie. wth..is that? Well, I'm going to be straight up about it. When I look at all of my magazines, I see alot of women who have gifted areas look their best when they show the confidence it takes to make themselves feel sexy for a photoshoot. When beautiful women of any size go out there will be heads turning. Going out is nicer when you see a person who looks good like Fergie who is the embodiment of a beautiful woman.

[Melissa]

Come back, Glossed Over!

We need you! TV's all reruns and movies suck (except for Cloverfield) and it's too cold to go outside. I need my fix of making fun of magazines!

Hope you come back soon!