Glossed Over Book Club: Jean Godfrey-June's Free Gift with Purchase, The Merciful End

So, this Jean Godfrey-June book ?  It goes on for an awful long time about lunches.  Sometimes companies serve lavish midday meals at fancy restaurants in order to garner good press!  Real shocker there.  And there are about forty-seven explanations of why she hates having her picture taken.  And then there are a billion pages—approximately—describing various levels of intrigue she faced during her tenure at Elle, which might have been interesting, except that every player is saddled with a cumbersome code name like “Above the Fray.”  The French execs at the magazine try to use European photo shoots in the American edition, and Above the Fray tussles with Eminence Grise and the Playboy and the Fashionista, and, well, there’s a reason we don’t watch daytime soap operas.

We can barely get through the one page she pens in Lucky, so it was clearly expecting too much that we’d be entertained all the way through a 271-page book that consists entirely of poorly organized personal anecdotes and impossible-to-execute beauty tips.  (We tried that concealer stripe, by the way.  No dice.)

All we really wanted out of this book was dirt about Lucky and/or Kim France. And now that we've read every single page, some of them twice because they were so incomprehensible, we’ve compiled a list, based mostly on the book’s final chapter, of the details we gleaned.  We hope that these small morsels of information will be enough to prevent all of you from undertaking the onerous task of reading Free Gift with Purchase.

1. Jean’s office at the magazine is “private-but-not-exactly-private.”  We don’t know what that means either!  Apparently, Jean is so confident in her descriptive abilities that she doesn’t feel the need to expound on this.

2. Speaking of nebulous descriptions:

If Kim uses the word perfect to describe someone, it’s not a good sign.  “She’s overperfect!” Kim once said of an impeccable, extremely fashiony [agh!] staff member, who, incidentally, ejected herself early on.  (There are plenty of superhot gals at Lucky, don’t get me wrong, by perfect I mean that smug, overly groomed, tucked-and-folded-scarf thing that some pretty girls feel enhances their attractiveness.)

3. In a departure from the magazine world’s status quo, the fashion department is “not mean.”  What a ringing endorsement!

4. Kim France has banned the use of certain words in the magazine, which explains why they feel the need to make up new ones!

…we ripped through “bohemian” in the first year; “glamorous” and “amazing” are currently on the endangered list.  “Fashionista” has been banned from the start.

5. Flattery will get you everywhere at Lucky.

Kim is smart smart smart and beautiful and successful (I know, it’s kissing up to the boss, but it’s true)...

6. We believe this claim is a blatant lie:

My test for any piece of writing I’m involved with is known around the office as the “Say this aloud to your smartest friend” test.  Would the friend look at you as if you were crazy?  Don’t write it that way, then.

Really?  Really?  Either Jean doesn’t know anyone who’s very smart, or her friends have a high tolerance for insanity.

7. Finally, Jean once attempted to wear a pair of mold-encrusted shoes to party.  Which, presumably, is why she’s writing about makeup and not about fashion.

Next up in the Glossed Over book club? Falling Out of Fashion, written by Jane Pratt’s former assistant Karen Yampolsky, is the almost-true tale of the editor-in-chief of Sassy and Jane magazines.  We don’t want to give too much away, but we can tell you this much: editorial wunderkind Jill White has an absolutely stellar assistant! 

Comments

[tinyweasel]

Kim France *is* really smart, which is why I have persisted in believing that all the wack stuff she's done at Lucky (including making reference to marital problems in her editor's letter and allowing words like "gleamy" and "luxe" to proliferate) is all deep-cover research for an exposé she will someday write, titled "Fashion Ladies are Completely Batshit."

[Becca]

I'm baffled as to how this book even got written. Do that many people care what Jean Godfrey-June thinks? She sounds nutty butter. These reviews are hilarious though! I am anxiously awaiting the Jane book review.

Plus - mold-encrusted shoes? Please tell more!

[amy]

She also spends the end of the book rationalizing her move to the suburbs, and constantly reminds the reader how down to earth she and everyone else who lives in Nyack are really bohemian (one of those banned words!) and down to earth. In fact she dwells on it so much it feels an awful lot like she doth protest too much...

[Jessica]

I would WAY rather read a book by Kim France, I have to admit.

[Glossed Over]

Tinyweasel: If that book ever becomes a reality, we'll be the first to buy it. You know, you're right--Kim France launched a new magazine in a new category (it was one of the first, if not the first, shopping title), so she clearly has some savvy.

Becca: We don't have the book in front of us, but the shoes were a vintage pair that JG-J described as "New Orleans debutante" or something like that. Someone caught her and forced her to change into a pair that were not coated with fungus.

Amy: Yes! Nyack is apparently a latter-day hippie enclave. Also in the category of "she doth protest too much": her relationship with Adam (is that his name?), with whom she spends a great deal of time--and a lot of words explaining that it's purely platonic.

Jessica: Absolutely. Especially if she takes tinyweasel's suggestion of a topic.

[Knox]

Would someone please translate "tucked-and-folded-scarf thing" from Godfrey-June into English? She spends a lot of time explaining how she's from California and so I thought maybe that phrase was some kind of east coast/private school/upper crust shibboleth in Jean's mind.

Kim France launched a magazine that gleefully encourages women to be more acquisitive, more materialistic. She may be smart, but the question for me is, why doesn't she hate herself for hastening the downfall of civilization?

[T-Bone]

I'm wondering when Jean Godfrey-June will disappear. She's been haunting the fashion mag world for years and years and years. Is she clever? Does she dispense little gold nuggets of beauty advice? Does she write well? "No" to all of these. Now she writes a book! And gets it published! Thank heaven you bought a copy, Glossed Over, or else Jean wouldn't be getting a royalty check.

[jakjak]

Thank-you for writing this article. I read a copy of this book and beforehand I had no idea who Jean Godfrey-June was, I thought the trouble was with me! What the hell was the story about the barbie dolls and the not cutting of the hair?

[Megan]

If I flip through one more issue of Lucky and see something described as SO French or SO Parisian, I will throw up.

[Literanista]

I read it and honestly, I cannot believe what they publish today and refer to as a "book."

[shatteringfacade]

Wow.

I was doing research for my English class when I stumbled in on this hate-fest [and yes, in case anyone decides they want to sound smart, I know I'm taking liberties with my own English; thank you].

I know I'm two months late in coming, but I want to remind you that Ms. Godfrey-June is just another woman trying to make a living; if you don't like it, don't pay for her work. And before I'm denounced as an enemy of the First Amendment, an anti-feminist, and a closed-minded Satan-worshipper, let me remind you that I'm entitled to my own opinions also.

Every comment here sounds so bitter. Really, it's scary. Is this a REAL case of "she doth protest too much"? Are you all failed writers or something, who only desire to be in Godfrey-June's position? And do you find fulfillment now in criticizing others' publications? Or maybe you're just average women wishing you lived the charmed life. I don't know.

What I do know is that, while I admire Ms. Glossed Over for being so assertive in expressing her own opinion, the other commenters disgust me. All I see you doing is jumping on the bandwagon; you took Glossed Over's initiative and, in scrambling to agree with her, ruined a formerly effective critique by adding your own insignificant and whiny complaints against "JG-J". And yes, "whiny" is a word; look it up, and stop trying to steal Glossed Over's thunder.

You call Jean Godfrey-June and Kim France "insane," but what does that make you? You're always going to be the angry reader who secretly wishes they were rich and famous. Maybe, instead of making fun of Godfrey-June's moldy shoes, you could go out and get jobs before you start accumulating mold yourselves.

Glossed Over, while I can't say I agree with you, I have to admit you have a great writing style. I don't know if you have an actual job or not, but you could definitely do something more significant than critiques on the Web.

Oh, and one other thing: I'm 16, a student struggling through her junior year in high school. I don't usually waste time going out of my way to chastise adults possibly twice as old as myself, but if I feel you don't deserve my respect, I WILL set you straight. You older and supposedly wiser people should have better things to do than get together online and gripe. You make me sick.

Maybe you could write a book. If a miracle takes place and it actually gets published, I promise that I will be the first to write a review. And I'll let you read it too, if you'll let me watch you cry afterwards.

Have a nice rest of your life.

Oh, before I forget: I really do want to see some of you "throw up."

[westernprincess]

i am completely addicted to this!! it is hilarious, and i love it. keep up the good work xx ps stfu shattering facade

[Starbuck]

You're 16 and you know everything? When I was 16, I did too! Congratulations! Hang on to that feeling of infallibility and self-righteousness -- it will serve you well in life! Hope you got an A on your important fashion essay! Stay sweet! See you next year! xoxo Starbuck