Cosmopolitan Proves Its Expertise with Bad Advice

From “Men This Minute” in the December issue of Cosmopolitan:

Dumb Advice He’s Getting

From the pages of GQ: “A ‘happy ending’ is considered outright cheating only if the guy plans on it.  ‘If you’re getting a massage, it could just end up happening…If she starts on you, you’re going to need a hell of a lot of willpower to turn that away.’”

Really?  What a charming lack of self-awareness Cosmo displays, calling out another magazine for dispensing terrible counsel!  (For the record,though, we do agree that GQ’s perspective on this issue is woefully skewed.)  Will GQ retaliate by printing, oh, 85% percent of Cosmo’s content in its next issue?   We humbly suggest they start with “The 22 Best Relationship Tips Ever,” an article which offers some real gems.  For instance:

Don't be BFFs. Being pals with your man is great in theory.  But that kind of connection actually can kill your sex life.

And:

If you want to maintain closeness with your man, get out of your head and into bed.  Guys feel more comfortable connecting with women on a physical level, not engaging in deep discussions.

Well, at least we learned something about men from this whole debacle.  A man on the massage table may require a preternatural amount of restraint, but  apparently, it would take a similar amount of temperance for Cosmo to avoid printing utter pap in every issue.  Good to know!

Comments

I'd like to know a little more about how when you're getting a massage, sometimes a happy ending 'just happens'. I'm pretty sure the person giving the massage isn't going to get carried away by how much the client is enjoying it. I'd imagine that a 'happy ending' is something that 'just happens' when you 'pay for it in advance'. Which I think most people would consider to be 'cheating, morons'.

[Molly]

I'd like to know a little more about how when you're getting a massage, sometimes a happy ending 'just happens'. I'm pretty sure the person giving the massage isn't going to get carried away by how much the client is enjoying it. I'd imagine that a 'happy ending' is something that 'just happens' when you 'pay for it in advance'. Which I think most people would consider to be 'cheating, morons'.

[jaundiced janitor]

Happy endings happen, as Cosmo proudly displays, because "Guys spill".

[j.brown]

Why is this important?

[Glossed Over]

Why is what important?

[Emily]

"Don't be BFFs. Being pals with your man is great in theory. But that kind of connection actually can kill your sex life."

Um... why are the allowed to print stuff that is just patently wrong? Dozens of studies have shown that a basis of friendship is 'the secret' to both a satisying sex life and long-term partnership.

Oh wait. That's not gonna move units of FMCGs.