Marie Claire: Find Yourself...or Find a Man

Who says our time would be better spent reading books?  Magazines are a perfectly enriching way to spend our time.  In particular, the August edition of Marie Claire sent us on a journey of self-discovery.  See, the command on the cover—

Discover Your Inner Fembot!

—immediately piqued our interest, conjuring mental images of the fembots from the Austin Powers movies.  While dressing in feather-trimmed teddies and using our breasts as a lethal weapon does seem like a winning lifestyle choice, we weren’t sure we were ready to commit.  Fortunately, Marie Claire even included a handy quiz to determine whether we were perfectly suited to the fembot lifestyle!

Never mind the bullets and the marabou, though—a fembot, as described by writer Theresa O’Rourke, is actually a “cool, together, emotionally unavailable girl.” Which doesn’t sound that messed up, right? A smidge of emotional unavailability never hurt anyone.  The paragraph below had us cheering the very idea of a “fembot,” even if the term itself is grating.

In 2007, fembotism is the next frontier in the great big gender divide. We can narrow the pay gap, outpace men earning degrees, helm a company, run the House of Representatives, choose to raise a child on our own, and match a man’s sexual appetite thrust for thrust. But there’s an unspoken disclaimer: We’d better not forsake our nurturing instinct while doing all of the above. Yeah, well, some of us are saying screw you to the fine print.

If a character in a movie had delivered that speech as music swelled, we’d be applauding in the theater. Yes, screw the fine print!  Let’s explore the matter!

But our enthusiasm cooled soon afterward.  First, there was this anecdote:

“Lose the skirt,” a friend says to her husband when he wants to cuddle. “Quit with the eggbeater,” another tells her boyfriend when, over dinner, he tries to rehash all that they have to do the coming weekend.

We swear we aren’t being deliberately obtuse, but exactly what about these behaviors inspires ridicule?  Who, exactly, are these women looking to date?  Because a guy who enjoys snuggling and likes planning ahead is pretty much our Prince Charming.  We always dreamed about dating a guy with a Filofax!

On a more serious note, the fembot attitude apparently requires taking the same stereotypes these women are rebelling against and turning them into insults, which—oops!—only reinforces the stereotype. If you don’t want womanhood associated with kitchen utensils, don’t invoke an eggbeater to mock someone with “womanly” qualities.

And then there was this:

…Lori had separated from her husband, a lead weight of a guy whom she had worked relentlessly to please. She decided it was time to focus on pleasing herself…That myopic view influenced her dating life.

Oh, well, if her new attitude wrecked a few romances, does that trump any positive changes like a new career direction or a fresh hobby?  We’ll never know, since the article only talks about Lori’s love life.

In a similar vein:

…I’ve built up defense mechanisms that have hardened like plaque. In love, I believe you either hide or seek—and I damn well didn’t want to do the latter. Running after someone was too exhausting, and no one was ever worth catching. So I spent the better part of my 20s in clipped, casual relationships—until I met my husband two years ago.

Oh, joy! We love the part where everything falls into place because, at last, our heroine has met the right man! Is this the same movie character who had us cheering a few moments back? Now, in the dark, we’re sinking into our seat and rolling our eyes. 

Admittedly, O’Rourke’s husband does seem uniquely suited to her needs:

I told him I needed to be alone, to work, to hear my own thoughts. He smiled, gave a wink, and shut the door behind him. It was a small gesture that showed there’s one thing he does know: giving me space gets me wetter than Seattle.

Uh…wow.  We like spending time alone, but we don’t like spending time alone, if you know what we mean.

Anyway, this paragraph exemplifies our problem with this article: while it offers numerous examples of strong women, this paragraph is as close as it comes to embracing the notion of being a fembot.  Nor does it explain beyond the briefest of mentions how a cool, calculating demeanor could be beneficial—even in the most obvious milieu, the workplace.

After reading the article, we took the quiz to determine whether we were one of the quasi-robotic women described in the article. The verdict? We’re half-human, half-bot. Of course, we guess the fact that this very article stirred up so many emotions confirms our true nature.

Comments

[alexa]

When I read that Seattle line in the mag it nearly made me vomit.

[Gertie]

Your husband wants to cuddle, and you're supposed to say, "Lose the skirt"?

So at what point are these fembots supposed to *become* emotionally available? I thought being a fembot was some kind of strategy to avoid getting hurt. But if you're married, aren't you safe? Do you still have to keep up the act?

It seems like Marie Claire is saying "NEVER be emotionally available," even after you're married. That's one of the dumbest things I've ever heard.

[Kittenplan]

I intially had the same reaction when I saw the article--could be interesting. But then I read the whole thing and it was basically about being aloof, cold, and bitchy. I love to throw on the bitchface occasionally, but it's in no way at all a fulfilling way to live one's life.

And awesome reporting, Marie Claire, for basing a story entirely on anecdotal evidence!

[Emily]

"I told him I needed to be alone, to work, to hear my own thoughts. "

A reasonable request in a relationship- certainly one that my partner and I make of eachother from time to time. Nothing that would I would characterise and being particularly 'fem-botty'. The woman who wrote this seems decidedly lacking in emotional intelligence. Why do the most clueless women end up writing realtionship advice for womens' magazines, when it seems they have nothing of value teach us.

[Yep]

That's me!

[Sainte Marie]

c'est toujour très sympa de visiter ton bkog ;)

[figaro]

Once, being extremely for of this magazine I even downloaded several editions - http://file.sh/Marie+Claire+torrent.html . And only having read the, I understood what a waste of time it was! :(