Self's "Secret": Sort of Gross, But Strangely Touching

We nearly skipped over Self’s “Sitting On a Secret,” July, once we determined it was about hemorrhoids. A few days ago, we read this, which was more than enough information on the topic.  Also, we’re squeamish.

But—surprise!—we’re glad we read Self’s story in its entirety.  Turns out, the Self piece isn’t just about veins protruding from a sensitive part of the writer’s anatomy.  (Though we were troubled by the decision to refer to said protrusions as a “bean” and a “cherry.”  Ew!)  It was also a reminder about the nature of marriage and commitment.

I suddenly realized that the only way to make my husband understand was to show him.  As I got into position, it struck me that he might never have sex with me again, but it was a risk I had to take.  “Oh.  My.  God,” he whispered through his hands.  He hugged me and said he was so sorry and officially named the cherry Chester.  He also had some bad news:  There were in fact three hemorrhoids—one big, two little.  Yep.  Chester had a posse.

And:

When I returned home [after surgery to remove the hemorrhoids]…I asked my husband for a sympathy look-see because the anesthesia was wearing off…My husband held my hand and walked me toward the bathroom.

Whoa.  Now that’s love—and a look at marriage nearly as enlightening as the articles about relationships.

We’ve learned more than enough about hemorrhoids recently, thank you very much.  But excrutiating detail and all, this story was still far less gag-inducing than the “deep” Fergie lyrics quoted in the cover story.

Comments

[christin]

absolutely. my 30 year old husband just went through colon cancer last year, and let me tell you - that is the gross yet touching side of marriage. all the complications and things that go along with that, you learn what love is REALLY quickly.

that hemorrhoid story really hit home with me, which is either touching or disgusting. :) thanks for posting this.

btw just found this site, it'll definitely be a daily visit. love what you guys are posting here. solid reading.

[tanya]

Now that's love!

[Glossed Over]

Christin, thanks for sharing. Hope all is well with your husband now. We felt the same way reading the story--could a tale about hemorrhoids really be so heartwarming?

Tanya, exactly!

[Boobtastic]

I wonder why they put the hemorrhoid story in the 'Special Summer Eating Issue!" Yes, pounds WILL melt away if you barf after reading a story about some chick's hemorrhoids!!