August's Denim Stories Do Us No Good
It’s Friday. Let’s talk fashion, shall we?
Reading Lucky’s “Denim Guide,” Marie Claire’s “Denim Trend Report,” and InStyle’s “Jeans A-Z” (in the August issues) has us wondering: Is apparel Armageddon upon us? With the perfect storm of colored denim, skinny jeans, and high-waisted pants, it’s like every awful trend of the early 1990s has been revived all at once. Yes, we realize ranting about this makes us sound old.
See, by mindlessly following trends throughout our youth, we suffered a ton of denim trauma. In junior high, we pegged our jeans to show off our multiple pairs of colored socks. In high school, we wore super-light washes in a tapered cut and cuffed denim shorts in teal and red (though at least we refrained from wearing ripped grunge-style jeans). And in college, we lived in a pair of brown jeans from the Gap. We cringe thinking about those crimes of fashion we committed so blithely—all we wanted was to be stylish!—so we’re skeptical about the return of denim looks we tried so hard to forget. Won’t someone please make a reasonably modern, flattering, affordable pair of jeans and spare us further retrospective embarrassment?
Our list of the pants we will never, ever wear:
The Oligo Tissew skinny jeans on page 145 of Lucky (at right). They’re purple. And rubberized. And they cost $239. We can only hope the price is a misprint. The mag describes them thusly:
Very Studio 54: They have a touch of sheen and an extra-body-conscious fit.
We guess a Studio 54-inspired trend is a good thing…if you want to look like you were completely high when you got dressed. Besides, we’re 5’1” with hips, and those pants are straining to cover the model’s curves. They are not going to work on us.
The high-waisted Earnest Sewns on page 47 of Marie Claire. For just $240, they come with a complimentary back yoke and button pocket. Exactly like pants we had in fourth grade!
Disco, Studio 54—we’re sensing a pattern here. Since when is disco-inspired a positive attribute?
In the pages of InStyle, we simply can’t decide which is worse:
Is it Jennifer Lopez’s high-waisted pair with three buttons above the zipper fly (page 169 and at right)? Where do those things end? They’re like a corset and a pair of pants in one.
Or is it the $253 Rock & Republics on page 171 with red lightning bolts stitched on the back pockets? They’re just like a pair we had when we were eight, only exponentially more overpriced!
Not all of it is horrible—we’ll be trying the pinstriped jeans InStyle recommends and the “baby bells” Lucky loves. Or, you know, we’ll just stick to skirts.
What do you think about the new denim styles?