August's Denim Stories Do Us No Good

It’s Friday.  Let’s talk fashion, shall we?

Reading Lucky’s “Denim Guide,” Marie Claire’s “Denim Trend Report,” and InStyle’s “Jeans A-Z” (in the August issues) has us wondering: Is apparel Armageddon upon us?  With the perfect storm of colored denim, skinny jeans, and high-waisted pants, it’s like every awful trend of the early 1990s has been revived all at once.  Yes, we realize ranting about this makes us sound old.

See, by mindlessly following trends throughout our youth, we suffered a ton of denim trauma.  In junior high, we pegged our jeans to show off our multiple pairs of colored socks.  In high school, we wore super-light washes in a tapered cut and cuffed denim shorts in teal and red (though at least we refrained from wearing ripped grunge-style jeans).  And in college, we lived in a pair of brown jeans from the Gap.  We cringe thinking about those crimes of fashion we committed so blithely—all we wanted was to be stylish!—so we’re skeptical about the return of denim looks we tried so hard to forget.  Won’t someone please make a reasonably modern, flattering, affordable pair of jeans and spare us further retrospective embarrassment?

Our list of the pants we will never, ever wear:

• The Oligo Tissew skinny jeans on page 145 of Lucky (at right).  They’re purple.  And rubberized.  And they cost $239.  We can only hope the price is a misprint.  The mag describes them thusly:

Very Studio 54: They have a touch of sheen and an extra-body-conscious fit.

We guess a Studio 54-inspired trend is a good thing…if you want to look like you were completely high when you got dressed.  Besides, we’re 5’1” with hips, and those pants are straining to cover the model’s curves.  They are not going to work on us.

• The high-waisted Earnest Sewns on page 47 of Marie Claire.  For just $240, they come with a complimentary back yoke and button pocket.  Exactly like pants we had in fourth grade!

The mag describes another pair of pants as

Disco-style denim…

Disco, Studio 54—we’re sensing a pattern here.  Since when is disco-inspired a positive attribute?

In the pages of InStyle, we simply can’t decide which is worse:

• Is it Jennifer Lopez’s high-waisted pair with three buttons above the zipper fly (page 169 and at right)?  Where do those things end?  They’re like a corset and a pair of pants in one.

• Or is it the $253 Rock & Republics on page 171 with red lightning bolts stitched on the back pockets?  They’re just like a pair we had when we were eight, only exponentially more overpriced!

Not all of it is horrible—we’ll be trying the pinstriped jeans InStyle recommends and the “baby bells” Lucky loves.  Or, you know, we’ll just stick to skirts. 

What do you think about the new denim styles?

Comments

[christin]

sticking to skirts sounds reasonable...and i agree, all these jeans trends are utterly ridiculous. I think the SAME thing you said up there - when the MODEL looks slightly hip-y (in Lucky-speak!) how the hell do they think I'll look in them????

give me a break.
trouser jeans, great. wide leg even - fine. I even have one pair of what I'd call "skinny" jeans. But they compensate for hips with a hint of stretch, complimentary backpockets, and they are NOT tapered. They're just...not flared. That's the farthest I'll go.

and it should be noted that those jeans were on sale at Banana OUTLET for $16.99. No joke.

[Copy]

When was the meeting of style editors to decide that all August issues would be devoted to denim? I'm pretty sure the August Glamour also has a denim section.
The only style I'm interested in trying is the trouser jean. Colored jeans remind me of my bright pink, cuffed jean shorts - not the best look, especially since I'm no longer in fourth grade.
Oh, and love the blog!

[MissPinkKate]

No mention of Lucky's 2 pages devoted to COLORED jeans? Orange, blue, red, yellow...... Gross. Even the models look embarrassed.

[Violetgirl]

Okay. I just read my Lucky today and looked over the denim section with disgust. The MODELS didn't even look good in the jeans. There is no hope for the normal girl.... And the colored jeans are awful, awful. Can you imagine the pictures of Jessica Simpson in day-glo denim we are going to have to endure? Aauugh.
Just found this site through gofugyourself. Love it!

[Aardvark]

On the one hand, I am infinitely grateful that the "Just Say No to Crack" campaign has finally prevailed and that there is some dim hope that I will not be ambushed on a daily basis with unwanted glimpses into the deep dark mysteries of badonkadonk every time somebody bends over. And I am likewise thrilled by the prospect of the world's burgeoning muffin tops ultimately finding appropriate containment.

But on the other hand, I fear we are looking down the barrel of an endless caravan of camel toes and a tack shop's inventory of saddle bags.

I think my solution will be to down a few daquiris, saddle up my camel and yell, "Forward, ho!" Emphasis on the 'ho', of course.

[erin]

Clearly, camel toe/llama lips is the new muffin top.

[Daisy]

Well, I suppose almost every REAL girl (that isn't an anorexic model/actress/singer) hates skinny jeans. From the women who actually DARE to wear them, half is sixteen years old (their curves haven't really set it yet) and can pull the look off, the other half is just bulging out of them without realizing it (because they're blindly following the trends).

Personally I'm only 1m60 and curvaceous (boobs and hips), so I don't even give those skinny jeans a second look in the stores. I DO have dozens (I mean that very literally) of skirts and cute summerdresses in my closet which I love.

Short people of the world, unite!

Greatings from Belgium

[Eli]

The Nylon with nicole richie on the cover is a denim issue too. It actually had a lot of cool stuff in it.

[Blurgle]

Low-waisted jeans make women look 30 lb. heavier and can't be worn by any woman who's ever had back or abdominal surgery (unless they want to do an LBJ and let the world see their scars). Even Paris Hilton looks borderline obese in low-waist jeans. They are hideous beyond belief and I can't believe how many twentysomethingers are actually crying about their disappearance. THEY MAKE YOU LOOK AWFUL.

THANK GOD high-waist jeans are coming back! Women can look normal again *and* the 30% of women with scars can find jeans they can wear!

[Sally]

Hey, skinny jeans ain't all that bad... I think flared jeans look really weird and I'm dreading the comeback... straight leg or skinnies look like your actual leg- what's wrong with that? I've seen super curvy gals rock 'em hard, you just have to have some confidence!

[Sarah]

I'm all for trying out new fashions, but I think I'm going to refrain from this one...I have no desire to look like an upside-down Christmas tree.

[sara]

hate skinny jeans. im 95 lbs and they STILL make me look fat.

highwasted skinny jeans are even WORSE. my sister who is 5'8 and 115 lbs tried them on and they looked like mom-jeans on her, so u can imagine how theyd look on most people.

i find the flair/ wide leg nicer and it seems to compliment most body types.