W Widens the Gap Between Fashion People and the Rest of Us

This isn’t exactly a groundbreaking revelation, but we’re convinced that fashion people are truly a different breed of human.  They exist on an entirely discrete level—where it’s okay to be on a timetable that adheres only vaguely to the actual constraints of hours and minutes (really—have you ever been to a fashion show that’s commenced within 30 minutes of its stated start time?), a place where no one cares whether your clothes are weather-appropriate as long as you’re fashionable. 

So it shouldn’t have been surprising when, in the course of reading the February issue of W, we realized once again how utterly off-putting and out of touch these stylemakers can be.  Or, in the case of Domenico Dolce and Stefano Gabbana and their “Dolce Vita,” how stiflingly dull and non-erotic their idea of “sexy tableaux” can be.  Like this:

Is this supposed to make us feel something other than derision?  Should we be stunned that a man—a nearly naked man, at that—is wearing heels?  Shock!  Confusion!  Overwhelming urge to turn the page!

At first, we thought perhaps we just didn’t understand the pictorial.  See, we aren’t truly fashion people—we like to arrive places on time and cover our toes when it rains.  But, the more we study this alleged portrayal of “divine decadence,” the more bored we get, and the more we’re convinced that this is a case of attempting to shock us into believing there’s substance.  Sorry, guys.  We never realized that the display of so much human flesh could only be exceptional in its sheer creepiness and dreariness.

Speaking of creepy, this issue of W also includes “The Stylist,” an interview with Hollywood fashionista du jour Rachel Zoe.  Sure, she’s everywhere—it’s like she’s cloned herself—but did you realize that she’s actually shunning the spotlight?  No, really, just ask her.

...and [she] claims to be uncomfortable with the fact that she’s become something of a celebrity herself.

“I’m scared that it’s going to be gone,” Zoe says.  “…I just don’t ever want to lose sight of why I’m here.”

Is “here” planet Earth or L.A.?  And why is she here, exactly, wherever “here” may be?  Client Maria Sharapova weighs in:

“…I would never have spent three grand on an Yves Saint Laurent cashmere sweater, but she taught me that key pieces are really important.  And I’m wearing that sweater right now.”

A noble mission, to be sure, spreading the word about cashmere sweaters.  Wouldn’t want those designer goods to languish in obscurity! 

And what about those nasty rumors regarding illicit substances and her clients’ shared trait of sudden thinness?

“I’m so drug clueless…I take Tylenol once in a while, and that’s about it…And I would never in a billion years tell someone to lose weight.  Ever.”

Oh, so it’s just a coincidence that Zoe’s clients (including Lindsay Lohan, Keira Knightley, and former Zoe-phile Nicole Richie) have dropped serious pounds practically overnight.  Probably they’re just following her example by racing around vintage clothing shops (as she does in this piece), popping the occasional OTC painkiller, and, like Zoe, eating “tons of fish and vegetables.”  She should write a book with a surefire diet plan like that.

And if she truly wants to leave the spotlight to her movie star clients, she could, oh, not give interviews and pose for photos in magazines.  But that would make sense to us non-fashion people and, for better or for worse, Rachel Zoe is not one of us.