Glamour: Romance Is a Constitutional Right

Okay. We know it’s the February issue. We realize pretty much every single thing in this edition is (rather nauseatingly) tied in to romance and Valentine’s Day. We imagine that Glamour considers its advice to be an amazingly useful public service. (And, hey, sometimes it actually is.)

But we think they’re overstating their importance just a tad with this:

Your love and sex bill of rights

The original one has empowered a country of more than 300 million people. Just think what this version can do for your love life.

Why, yes, Glamour, your version will certainly be as meaningful and influential as the actual Bill of Rights. We’re pretty sure advice like

It’s okay to do it on the first date—or the tenth, or the fiftieth.

will prove to be life-changing and important for someone, but it doesn’t exactly stack up favorably with freedom of speech and the right to peaceable assembly. Unless, you know, “doing it” counts as peaceable assembly.