L.A. Is, Like, Totally Packed With Hotties, Says Elle

Okay, Elle, we get it. Dating in New York is a Sisyphean endeavor.

Alexandra Jacobs’ article in November’s issue, “How to Marry a Millionaire (or At Least a Successful Screenwriter),” depicts laidback Los Angeles as a single woman’s Shangri-La and a wealthy husband as every woman’s goal. As if that premise alone isn’t suspect enough, the piece heads into highly dubious territory in order to prove its assertion that the West Coast is the place to land a man.

For instance:

The evidence mounts at the Hollywood Wilshire YMCA, where a frizzy-haired, pale-skinned chick is shooting hoops with platoons of eligible men…

Let’s enumerate the wildly erroneous assumptions made in just this one sentence:

One: Ohmygod! A woman playing basketball with men! She must be engaging in an athletic activity solely to capture a man’s attention and not because she actually enjoys the sport.

Two: L.A. must be packed with men desperate for affection if they’ll deign to engage in a totally impersonal activity with a—gasp!—“frizzy-haired, pale-skinned” woman.

Three: Women with frizz and non-fake-orange skin are inherently unappealing.

Four: Men playing basketball in public are obviously single.

And the next sentence:

I almost fall off my Precor when a dark, good-looking character actor stops to ask my sign.

Wait. He asked her sign? And that’s a good thing? Did  Jacobs’ Precor magically transport her to 1973?

(It’s still L.A., okay?)

Ohhhh, it all makes sense now, because everyone in L.A. is, like, totally into astrology and patchouli and, like, you know, the planet and avocado-colored kitchen appliances and fringed vests and stuff.

Then I watch as a guy strikes up a conversation with a woman engrossed in a sweat-drenched magazine—not the vapid glossy Angeleno, but The Atlantic Monthly!

Shocking! Who knew The Atlantic Monthly is even sold on the West Coast? And who could have guessed that men are at all interested in women who display even the most basic signs of literacy?

We suddenly understand why dating in New York is so difficult for Alexandra Jacobs. But after reading this essay, we’re convinced her troubles having nothing to do with her locale.

Comments

[NutmegNine]

They definitely need a few more cover lines on that issue. Maybe in the space on Jessica Alba's uniquely lifted and pointed breasts.

[Jeff]

And, character actors are by definition fugly.