Self Offers Unbiased Beauty Tips, Hope to Easily Duped Readers

From Self’s “Notes to Self,” August:

I wish I looked as good as Rebecca Romijn after a dip. Can you suggest a mascara that will stay put?

This letter, from reader Nancy Lee of Huntingdon Valley, Pennsylvania, is accompanied by a photo of Rebecca Romijn in full diving regalia—is that a knife strapped to her thigh?—tugging an inflatable boat out of the waves.

Hey, Nancy?  We hate to shatter your illusions, but Rebecca Romijn didn’t actually dive into the ocean in full makeup for this photo shoot. What you see in Self is not an accurate representation of any kind of acquatic activity, unless you consider standing knee-deep in the waves with a photographer, makeup artist, stylist, and a dozen other people nearby to count as an athletic endeavor.

Besides, if you’re going to covet something about the model/actress’s appearance, is it really something as easily attainable as her eyelashes?  Apparently, Romijn’s glossy lashes can be had with just a simple swipe of the $7 Revlon mascara Self recommends. And never mind the specious placement of a Revlon ad on the facing page. Really. We’re sure it’s just a coincidence—you know, the same way Self just happened to capture Rebecca Romijn’s return from a deep-sea diving expedition on film.