When Words Fail, Make Up New Ones

We imagine Glamour must be a utopian workplace for cancer survivors. They get first crack at the morning tray of bagels, they don’t have to make coffee when they finish the pot, and they don’t even need to use real words in their articles.

At least that’s what we concluded after reading the current “Cancer Diary,” wherein Erin Zammett, mostly avoiding stereotypical bridal hysteria, waxes about her wedding and then befouls the English language with made-up words.

For instance, there’s this description of the bridesmaids’ gowns:

I’d picked out very sexy, boob-y Vera Wang bridesmaid dresses.

“Boob-y”? Using the ample context clues provided, we’re pretty sure this is not a reference to the tropical seabird. We’d try “low-cut,” perhaps “revealing.”

Then, Erin recounts guests’ reactions to the wedding:

They also told us they were surprised at how un-cancery and purely fun the wedding was.

We initially thought this meant that cancer was not mentioned at the event, but she invited her oncologist and toasted him and his wife (who designed Erin’s gown) at the rehearsal dinner. So we’re left wondering: what does this mean? Did the ring bearer not have a tumor? Did the reception fail to metastatize? Maybe the best man’s speech didn’t involve her latest white blood cell counts.

Finally, on the honeymoon (which we hope was also “un-cancery”), a Glamour reader recognizes Erin:

It was pretty cool to be spotted. (I felt like a cancer-lebrity!)

Cancer-lebrity! Being known for having cancer can’t possibly be a good thing. We’d rather be anonymous and cancer-free, thank you.

Also, we’d rather Glamour wasn’t in the habit of making up words when appropriate ones already exist, but that’s probably just wish-y thinking. We don’t want to be un-realistic-y.