"McIntosh" Would Be Totally Fine, However

We don’t want to speak for Fiona Apple. She does perfectly well for herself (and she plays the piano a million times better than we do).

But we can’t help but think that referring to her as "golden delicious," as Jane magazine does ("Undercover"), is just plain silly. We‘re certain it’s supposed to be a compliment, which is why they didn’t call her, say, "empire" or "yellow." Still, it’s a slippery slope. When she pens a particularly caustic tune, will she be "sour green" Apple? If she dyes her hair red, will she become "red delicious"? And if Fiona attends a party, is she then a "gala" Apple?

Better yet, can’t we skip this now and save it for the inevitable acting or musical debut of Apple Martin?